Taking the Pain and Shooting It Up

This is just something I’d been rolling around in my head for a while… I’ve never taken meth or know anyone who has ever took it, but I decided to write something about it. I know Invader Zim isn’t exactly the best place to put this, but Gaz is the only character I could shape into what I want. This is mostly because she has no real background or mother. This helps me a lot. So, without further rambling here it goes.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Invader Zim or any of it’s characters. I do not own ‘The Day I Left The Womb’ by Escape The Fate either.

---------------

Mother, where are you today?
You took a piece of me the day you went away,
No recollection nor the smell of your perfume,

A lifetime. A lifetime of pain and hate. What else is there to know in this stupid world. Only pain, hate, destruction, abuse- feeling alone doesn’t even scratch the surface. It’s a fucked up world out there…., and even more in here. What was the point in caring anymore? It didn’t matter. As long as I got by. That’s what I keep telling myself. I still try to, but it’s becoming more… difficult.

I walked downstairs, my purple hair matted from lack of sleep. A sound kept ringing in my ears, and a ghastly smell was everywhere. It was a horrible smell, and a disgusting bile came up whenever it arrived in my room. I still had yet to find the source.

“Dib?” I called throughout the house. An echo was my only response. The stench was getting worse, and I ran to a trashcan, coughing up a vast amount of barf. My breathing was ragged, and I felt ill.

Stumbling about, I managed to walk down into Dad’s lab.

“Dad?” I hissed. My throat burned as I hocked something else up, but this time, there was no trashcan. “Dad?”

I took a piece of you the day I left the womb.

Stumbling, I found the source. Packages lay scattered on the ground and burn marks blackened the surface of a the lab counter.

The smell made my head swim and my eyes water, all the while constricting my lunges.

Dib lay on the side his head pulled back, and his eyes glazed over.

“Dib?” I tried to yell, but found that it came out in a hoarse whisper.

A needle laid uselessly beside him. A smile played against his lips. What was going on? What had he been doing down here? He was muttering something, and I strained my hearing just to listen for one word that made any sense.

Brother, put your needles down.
The best thing for you is to leave this awful town.

“Dib, you could’ve told me,” I screamed, my mouth barely moving. I fell to my knees, the smell overpowering. I felt like dying, laying there next to him, trying to make sense of it all. Putting the pieces together, even though my brain seemed scattered on the floor, much like the packets.

He had been suffering yet I hadn’t even spared a passing glance. Why hadn’t I seen it? Why hadn’t I been paying attention.

Pretty soon, you'll have kids to feed.
If you see mother, tell her I can sing.

“Dib, you could have done better, you could have just left, why didn’t you just leave?” I whispered.

He took my arm, braking it under the immense pressure. I didn’t scream. I didn’t even shed a tear.

“I couldn’t just leave you,” He said quietly. His voice had venom dripping on it, and I knew that I had to get away from him. I struggled out of his grip, but he just grabbed my leg. With my good hand, I punched him, knocking him unconscious.

I laid him down on the ground, careful not to hurt him anymore. I pulled out his cell phone, but my vision was failing me.

Please don't worry, I am doing fine.
You're much to busy, to even find the time,
So use your chemicals and take this to your grave,
The children you left are kids you didn't raise.

I had only the time to press one number, praying that the speed dial was 911. I put the phone up to my ear.

“What?” a voice demanded.

“Help,” I choked, just before my world went black.

And daddy, how are you today?
You must be proud of the kids that you have raised.

My eyes fluttered open, only to have me close them tight. I had seen a purple thing. Just like the color of my hair. Just like my mom‘s.

“Mom…,” I whispered. “Where were you when I needed you?” I asked, tears welling up in my eyes. “WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED YOU?” I screamed, thrashing around.

“Keep still!” Someone demanded. “You’ll hurt yourself further.” I tried to fight back, screaming and yelling, but to no avail. The voice whispered something in my ear. “You’re safe now,“ It said before I was delivered back to sleep.

Your withered heart, and everything its seen,
Your guts and callises, you had kids to feed.

You had kids to feed.

Why did this happen? Why? I didn’t do anything to prevent it. It was all my fault. I had no way of denying it. It was my fault. All my fault. Only mine. No one else to blame but yourself. Someone told me that once, can‘t recall who. That was that.

I wallowed in self pity for a while in my dream. I felt so alone. That’s when my eyes snapped open.

“Dib!” I screamed, sitting up. A sharp pain flew through my chest. “Augh!” I screamed in pain. My eyes immediately went to my arm. It was fixed as if nothing had happened. My eyes widened in shock.

I was lying on what looked like a dissection table.

“Where.., am I?” I demanded. I went into a fit of coughs.

Steps were heard off in the distance sounding hurried.

“Gaz,” Dib yelled, “ are you ok?!” He asked.

Please don't worry, I am doing fine.
You're much to busy, to even find the time,

“Dib, where are we?” I asked, looking around. This wasn’t the Membrane lab.

“I can answer that,” A voice from behind Dib said.

“Zim,” Dib yelled, “What did you do to us?” He screamed, almost ready to tackle him.

“On the contrary, Dib, I saved you both,” He said, holding up a needle. Crystal meth, was inside it, and he swished it around as if to taunt us both. The only thing was that he wasn’t grinning triumphantly. He had a sorrowful look on his face, and he seemed upset. Not the Zim I know, I thought. Not the Zim that was obnoxious and self-righteous. Not that Zim. This was a terrible impersonator.

Dib suddenly fell to his knees with a soft thump. “Di- was- how?” Dib asked.

Zim walked toward us, shaking his head.

So use your chemicals and take this to your grave,
The children you left are kids you didn't raise.

“I’m sorry,” Zim mumbled, “you… did.” He patted Dib on the shoulder, not even noticing that Dib’s mouth was agape and he had tears in his eyes. “So, did, he.., eh…, well, you know, hurt you to badly? You had a fractured wrist when I brought you in here and your lungs took some bad damage from the toxic air.” His eyes glistened a little and I realized that he was being sincere. How odd.

“Uh…, well…, why should I tell you?” I demanded, “It’s none of your damn business!” I huffed. I turned my head away, not will to look into his contact less eyes. “Why should you even care?”

“Well, for one reason you did call me!” He yelled. “How am I suppose to feel when my enemy and his sister are being killed by toxic fumes?”

“Wouldn’t that be better, easier? Everything would be over, you would win, Zim! The earth would be yours and Dib and me would be dead! Wouldn’t that be easier?” I screamed again and again. Zim stood there silent not saying a word, his eyes downcast.

His eyes flashed up, a deadly gleam shining through them. “Where would be the fun of that?” He asked, smirking.

Dib gawked at him and I glowered. “A game, you saved us for the sake of your pathetic little game, a chase that leads to your inevitable doom?” I asked him. He looked at me confused. Dib fell to the ground, his expression a mixture of shock and determination.

“In that case, Zim,” He said, Zim’s name coming out with obvious distaste, “ I’ll fight you to the very end!” His eyes shot sparks of fury, and I sensed that he wasn’t getting the point of the argument.

“Dib,” I seethed, “you realize he saved us just so that he could have the pleasure of killing us?” I asked, all the while glaring. “There was no point in it. We’re going to die, and it’s going to suck. He’s going to murder us, and it’s going to suck. You took crystal meth and he cured you addiction, but he’s still going to kill us, and it’s still going to suck. I’m to weak to fight him off, Dib, to weak to send him to a doomed eternity filled with pain and hate. To be quite awe nest it wouldn’t be much a difference from living in a house with a father who could care less and a brother who has a meth lab in his own fucking FATHER’S lab! Eternal damnation sounds fucking spiffy next to it!

“I never understood what happened to mom..,” I whispered quietly, “but apparently she didn’t care either! I guess it wouldn’t be so bad being dead…, At least I wouldn’t have to live here anymore.” I put my head in my hands, “Go ahead, Zim, do it,” I mumbled. Nothing happened. “What, Zim, kill me! Do it,” I growled. I looked up.

He was staring at me blankly. It took him a few seconds to register what I had just said.

“No,” He finally said, “not like that. Fuck the irken empire, I AM ZIM!” He yelled.

I noticed that Dib’s mouth was opening and closing much like a fish. I had to struggle to stop myself from snickering. My the side of my lips twitched holding back a smile as hard as I could. It became to much.

“Ahahaha,” I shouted and wiped a tear from my eye. “What the hell are you talking about?” I asked darkly.“Kill us.”

“Gaz, do you even know what you’re saying?” Dib demanded. “Let’s team up on him, I bet we can take him!”

I glared at him, “Dib, because of you my lungs were damaged and I could have lived my life in pain, and that’s even if I lived!” I screamed. My words struck him just the way I wanted them to. Years and years of cold hearted fury had paid off. My art of verbal abuse had been perfected. “I’m to weak to even stand! I don’t see how you can think for even a second that I could help you or even that I wanted to! You are-” I was interrupted by the sound of a squeaking noise in an even pace. I looked behind me, knowing exactly what I’d find.

---------

Well, to answer some questions, yes, I did alter the lyrics a little. Not too much, though. Well, ta-da, a good story.., well, in my point of view….. Whatever.

Wow, that was so good! You should make your own bharacters and try get that published, seriously.

eh, I don't think it's that good but thank-you!
The lyrics really inspired me, if nothing else.

I've been thinking about this all day, you know. It's beautiful. What you've created is beautiful.

I don't really think that, but you saying/typing that makes me smile. Thank-you very much!

8'3 That was awesome! I thought it was really great. Helps when the character you're working with really has no revealed past 83

seriously!
Should I post the second chapter? i really don't like it as much as I like this one.

OMG there's more?!

ah, yes, there is. You didn't think I would just leave it off, would you?
^___^

I was hoping you wouldn't. You should post part two, definitely.

*Squeals* YUSPOSTITPLZ 8D

Disclaimer: I don’t own Invader Zim, if I did I’d be much better off. Also, I don’t own the song In Your Hands by Thrice. I have their new cd now!

-------------------

Bound to this couch, I lie in waiting
Watching wind blown memories
Slip by my window sill

Zim straitened up from his battle ready stance giving me an indecisive look. I swear, people are so damn easy to read. Then again, this is Zim we’re talking about. Stupid, idiotic, waste of space, Zim.

I cocked my head ever so slightly to glare at the oncoming nuisance.

“GIR,” Zim greeted him. His voice had a slight malicious edge to it that apparently only I noticed. Why was everyone acting so freaken blind?

I can't fall asleep
Voice in my head disturbs me

“Hiya masta, I gotts me a suck monkey!” GIR screamed in his high pitched voice. He skipped around the table spilling the slushy all over the floor while I ground my teeth to keep from screaming in annoyance. “Want some?!?” GIR asked, grinning like a maniac who had just found his new victim. What an inviting thought….

“GIR, I, THE ALMIGHTY ZIM, am in the middle of an important conversation. LEAVE NOW AT ONCE!” Zim’s voice echoed through the large hallways filled with metal and steel along with irken technology I couldn’t identify.

The coldness was catching up to me, and I unwillingly shivered. I cursed at my own weakness, but it only came out as a piercing murmur. Shivering again I took my chances and leapt off the table with grace that surprised even myself. Zim stared blankly at me, his eyes showing that he was deep in thought.

Stumbling a little I found myself be held up by a gloved hand. Looking up to push away whoever it was I wasn’t at all surprised for it to be Zim. Then again, I’m never surprised any more.

Waking nightmares keep,
Have my cries fallen on deaf ears?
Can you hear me or am I...

I pulled my arm away, not even wincing at the pain I felt in such an action. “Don’t you dare touch me,” I hissed. “Never touch me!” My eyes locked with his, but I found only a fake innocence like that of a child who had come face to face with their father when doing something bad. “You are pathetic!“ Pathetic, the taste of the word felt strange on my tongue. Bitter. I bit my tongue till it bled. Even the blood tasted better than the bitterness left behind.

Talking to myself again,
Is there anybody listening?

Dib was suddenly next to me, pushing Zim farther away. “Go away, Zim. We don’t need your help!” He sounded more unsure than he looked.

“Well, you know what, Dib? I don’t need any of your help,” I screamed at him. “I don’t need anybodies help! I got by before and can get by again! You were no help, Dad was no help, you were all just fucking annoying!” My anger flowed freely now as before. I let it out, my fists trembling while I nails dug mercilessly into my flesh. The pain that had been tucked away in the dark depths of my mind slowly came loose, taking over my body. A rush of emotions acted like liquid electricity in my veins and the shock made me gasp. “Damn it!” I fell to my knees letting the emotions do what they wanted with me. At the time, I could have cared less. I shouldn’t have let those emotions free. I shouldn’t have let it all go. That was my mistake.

Are you taking this in,
Am I wasting my breath
Tell me, is the wind in your sails
Worth everything you give?

I recoiled against the side of the table bumping it roughly. The cold made me shiver again.

Weakness, weakness, weakness! I chanted over and over again inside my head.

“Stop it, Gaz, you’re…y-you’re creeping me out,” Dib stuttered, his words seemed choked, unwilling. He was afraid.

“Dib,” I coughed, threatening and intense, “you just don’t know the half of it!” I laughed, a spiteful, pitiful cackle until it slowed to a sad chuckle. I was unable to find the moment the least it funny, but lying there, it didn’t really make a hell of a difference.

Are you looking for something, forgiveness?

Gir was actually quite for once, it was as if he wasn’t even there. Maybe I wasn’t there either, maybe this is just a wicked dream where there’s no hope of awakening. You just fall deeper and deeper, until there’s nothing left to fall into. You’re just…., gone. The darkness consumes your very being until nothing is left.

“Damn,” I whispered my hands curling into fists and my nails drawing blood. I probably lost more blood in that one day then I have in my whole life. Funny how that turns out. Absolutely fucking hilarious.

I leave it up to you,
I guess I'm better off removed
Because the situations growing too thick,
In your hands

I took this moment to glance ever so carefully at Zim but the expression on his face made me stop and stare. Something- I didn’t know what at the moment- made me feel sorry for what I had said to him, but why, oh why would I ever feel sorry for a pathetic- damn that word- wretch like him. Like me.

‘What?’ My brain demanded. Damn, now I’m talking to myself.

Could it have been something I said,
Or was it something that I did?

“Get up,” Zim demanded. “Get off my floor you pig beast!”

“I hate you,” I hissed.

“What?” He yelled. He wasn’t getting it through his fucking head, now was he?

“I hate you, everything about you makes me cringe in disgust! You‘re pathetic-” and that’s when I finally started coughing uncontrollably. Blood, it felt like it was everywhere and the heaviness on my head….

It was becoming too much for me to handle. The room was spinning. Everything was slowing down.

Did I ruin my chance,
Have you written me off?

I held the table, though I was still sitting on the ground. I closed my eyes and the tears came.

‘Tears?’ My brain asked, angry at what had become of me. ‘This is not like the Gaz who can strike fear into someone’s heart by merely thinking of them! Who ARE you?’

“I-I don’t know!” I screamed aloud, agony striking my voice. What was happening to me? I couldn’t tell for sure. I was…, scared? Impossible….., or…, not?

“Gaz? Gaz!” I heard Dib scream at the sight of my turmoil. He cared? How is that- how?

Tell me where did I cross the line,
And can I work my way back this time
Will I always regret this decision
I leave it up to you,

Too many questions, not enough answers! Where are those damnable answers?!

Next thing I knew, I was falling forwards onto my knees.

‘Am I going to die?’ I asked my own thoughts, not really caring if they answered or not. It didn’t matter. Nothing did. Then, but not now…, now, everything matters…, or does it?

Too many questions!

I clawed at my head as if I could pull out each thought and dispose of it. ‘Get out! Get out!’ My brain screamed. My eyes forced themselves to look upward. Dib, a child in my eyes, a hero in his own! Zim, victorious at everything yet has never won a single battle…, why do I know these people? These mistakes?

‘It is because you yourself are a mistake.’ and at that moment, I knew that the voices in my head were right and always were, always will be.

I hope that you find a good excuse because
I've given all that I can give,
In your hands

I stood up, despite the blood, despite myself. My heart hated sympathy yet yearned for it badly.

No, I didn’t actually want it, just to have it would be nice. Just to possess it, for people to give it. Just so they would give a damn. That’s it. I want them to give a damn….

“Mom…,” I said aloud, not on purpose of course, I would never say it on purpose…, ever. Then, what possessed me to say it? That…, word…,-

This was the first day I had said it in years and twice. A word that was unknown until I started school. Everyone was whining, crying for their mother…, except me…, why?

I had asked my father but, he just said that they were all delusional and should devote their lives to science. I just walked away and shrugged it off. That is.., until I saw the video….-

My mind fled, shied from such memories, and I was forced back to reality. This was stupid. I was cowering away.

My legs were shaking, I had taken a note of this just because it had made me so angry…, so weak! My hands curled into fists. “Let us go,” I said slowly, my mouth barely even working.

Are you taking this in,
Am I wasting my breath?
Did I ruin my chance,
Have you written me off

“Eh? Oh, yes,” Zim was oblivious!

“I said, let us go or I will destroy your very being, I will close you up in a place of no return where you will dwell until your very soul rips in half!” My threat was obviously not affecting the self righteous fool for he just laughed like the maniac he is.

“Oh, little Gaz, you think you could lay a finger on me, Zim, whom is your utmost superior?!” He asked, “Hah!”

“I think I could land a fist!” I yelled, my anger boiling.

“Gaz, don’t, your to.., well…,” Dib scratched the back of his head. He shook it as if dismissing a thought. “Zim, I’ll fight you, leave my little sister alone! You know she can’t handle you!”

GIR meanwhile, was just sitting a vacant look in his eyes. I eyed him warily, almost ready to rip Dibs brain out when I sensed something wrong.

“GIR?” I asked, and poked him ever so slightly. He fell over.

“GAZZZY!” He squeaked and jumped onto my head causing me to fall over though Dib and Zim paid no attention too busy glaring at each other.

It’s funny how things can turn out like that…, one moment you swear that your death is immanent and the next you act as if it didn’t happen…, How is that possible?

Another question yet to be answered….

I could try to count the times
that I've been through this in my mind
But I am running out of fingers
And I don't have that much time

-----------------------------------

First off, no, it’s not over it was just a nice place to leave it off and second, I just wanted to get it done. Oh, I will be adding a variety of songs into my fanfiction...

.

..

...

wow.

Wow is right.

You are so good at writing! How did you come up with this?

just listening to the song I guess....

I have these obsessions, and somehow I became obsessed with the affects of meth. I'm not quite sure why, though. I saved a few sites and studied it..., this is kinda what I did on the side.


so..., you guys like it?

Love it.

thank-you.
:]

I have a new chapter.







Disclaimer: Ah, I don’t own Zim. That is obvious. I am a fan, though, and have a right to obsessive pairing. I don’t own PlayRadioPlay! Or any of their music, lyrics, or ideas. C:
--------
I laid there on the ice cold metallic floor, unmoving, and listening to the voices of those across the room for quite some time. I didn’t feel the need to speak, let alone feel anything.
GIR, that little insane robot many call ‘cute’, sat upon my chest staring into my eyes. I felt wary and slightly torn. I wanted to get up and fight, believe me, but I couldn’t find the energy to do so. What was the point? They would only come back- much like unwanted cockroaches, something only the insane enjoy- to pester me again.

Outside, I lay tongue-tied
Oh, help me escape now

I continued, listening yet not at the same time. Like when you’re almost asleep, just on the border, and you feel it is just in reach, when suddenly some sound draws you back into awareness. For me, his sound was shouting and panicky voices. It was annoying.
I sat up, and glared at Dib, the one who had started this whole mess. He stared back, but only for a moment before down casting his eyes again. My gaze was too strong for his already weak will.
“What possessed you to do it?” I asked, the words hurting my still raw throat. Dib furrowed his eye brows in distress, but Zim stepped forward.

Cuz I'm on the brink now
Inside, I'm confusing
I have myself with these conflicting emotions
I'm on the brink of finding commotion

“Dib-Sis- I mean, Gaz.” Zim started rather promptly, much to my annoyance. “I’ve learned from my stay here that you filthy humans have certain ‘needs’.” He hissed the last word, not ashamed of his loathing for this topic. Neither was I. “When you pathetic little worms don’t manage to get these particular ‘needs’ you decide use…, other forms in which to obtain them. Your idiotic brother decided that he finally needed something more. So, like all imbeciles on this pathetic planet, he chose drugs to help him obtain that ‘happiness’, that ‘need.’” His eyes shone brightly when he saw my expression. I knew that there was truth in his words, but I didn’t want to believe it. I did anyway because I’m no fool. I don’t reject the truth because the truth ends up hurting people the most.

& who told you to take your time?
Cuz we got none
& I need some

“How would you know, Zim? You’re not human. You’re not Dib. You are a pathetic nothing.” I shot back at him, desperate to hurt him, to wound him in anyway. I wanted to break him down, I wanted to smash his face in. I didn’t want to see his form so close to mine, just a mere foot away. So close and within reach….
“I know more than your mind can fathom, little Gaz. I know more than you would ever want to know.” Zim told me, his eyes dark and mysterious. I suddenly felt a need to explore them, to learn their secrets. I wanted to see those eyes everyday of my life. What a mistake.
Dib stood beside me now. “Zim, I-…, Thank-you.” He muttered, putting a hand on my shoulder. His words were weak and reluctant. “But we need to leave. I need to get home and clean up. That reminds me, did you turn the burner off?” Dib asked, as if things were normal, as if he was talking to a friend.
“Eh?” Zim asked, titling his head stupidly. “What burner?” He asked, clearly confused.
“You mean you didn’t-?” Dib demanded. “Do you know what happens when you leave those chemicals burning?”

Oh, hold me, we can kiss
I'll keep a secret of why I miss you
Everyday you ease the pain

“Oh god,” I whispered, the horror of it all finally dawning on me.
“W-We’ll have to call the fire department!” Dib said fearfully, his nails digging into my shoulder. He knew that if we called someone he would be locked away. Jail would ebb what was left of Dib into nothingness. He wouldn’t have been able to take much more.
“Quite, Dib!” Zim yelled. “We’re not going to call anyone! I will handle this matter myself!”
Anger boiled within me. I lifted my hand and slapped Zim, though my hand burned with the effort.
“Idiot!” I declared, my eyes opening wide with anger. “Do you even know how a meth lab works?!” I screamed at him. “The slightest wave of electricity can cause an explosion! Something as small as a flashlight could kill us all!”

Everyday I stay the same

Dib’s eyes widened in fear, but Zim had turned, his hand on his red cheek.
“Irken technology doesn’t run on electricity,” He said quietly, still turned away from us. “It will be fine if I go in alone. Nothing will happen.” I didn’t believe him. How could I? “You will all just have to stay here, though.”
“It’s too dangerous.” I said. Excuse me? My brain asked. Why should it matter to you? I f he dies then it’s just one problem that has been taken care of for you! He will no longer be here to pester you, and Dib will stop ranting about him. You will kill two birds with one stone.
I shivered at that thought. I always despised that saying. As a young girl I had wondered why anyone would ever want to kill two birds in the first place. I once told Mother that. She had laughed kindly, and just patted me on the head. What a stupid girl I was then. It was like I had always been one.
As you once said, My brain continued, wouldn’t that be better? Easier? It taunted me. I stared upwards, desperately trying to escape my own thoughts, to escape the world. Reality is a cruel thing.

Outside, I lay tongue-tied
Oh, help me escape now
Cuz I'm on the brink now

I didn’t want him to leave. I knew what would happen if he did. I just knew it. But I let him go.

Inside, I'm confusing
I have myself with these conflicting emotions
I'm on the brink of finding commotion
--------
End?

NOO! Not the end! It's so good!

It says end?
That means that it might not be the end. :]

I know. But it means it might be also. And I don't want it to be!

It’s been a while, no? Well, I suppose I should get on with the story…

Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim. Jhonen Vasquez does. I do not own the song Invasion either. The band Eisley does. I recommend them to the readers. C:
----
The memory of his back as he turned away is forever burned into my vision. I sometimes think I see him on the streets. He feels so close during those times…, so within reach.


Zim turned away and rushed out. I let him go…, so far away. I felt my hand go up. I felt it reach for him…, so far away now. My fingers gripped the air. I let out a slow breath and took a step forward.
“I’m going after him.” I told Dib, my eyes narrowed and gleaming.


I felt a fire spark within me. Before Dib could even utter a syllable, I was off, running faster than I ever had before. I felt every breath in my lungs, every step on the pavement.
“Gaz! Come back Gaz!” Dib yelled, but I was too far off. I’d always been too far off for him to reach.
My feat pounded into the ground. I heard my blood pumping in my ears. My chest felt tight, and my hands were clenched into fists.
I widened my eyes and rushed even faster. I couldn’t see anything around me. Everything blurred…, but one thing remained the same. It was the vision of his eyes. I wanted those eyes. I wanted those eyes to look at me and only me.


Keep going. Never stop. Keep heading forward. You can do it. A new voice sang inside my head. This voice was so much different. No malice. Then, it hit me. It was my mother’s voice.
The video came into my mind again. Mother…, she was so graceful. She was so beautiful. She was so much…, like me. My heart ached thinking about it.
I shook my head and pressed onward. Then, finally, I saw it. I saw my house…, but it wasn’t the way I wanted to see it.
My breathing suddenly stopped.

In front of me was a view I’d never wished to see. Well, that’s not entirely truthful. It was a sight I’d never wished to see at a time like that.
My house was burning away or the upstairs at least. I stood there for a moment, numb and unthinking. I snapped back into reality.
“The video!” I heard myself scream. With those last words, I rushed forward, though a voice inside me was screaming for me to get away.
The doorway was clear of all flames. Only the upstairs burned. Sirens could be heard, but they were so far away.


I broke the door down. Yes, you heard right. I slammed into it, and it gave away. It was so easy. It was just so easy…
I looked around, my head spinning. I knew exactly where I’d find the tape. It was upstairs, under my bed.
I dashed upstairs, my eyes burning, and my chest tight. I wheezed and coughed but didn‘t stop. No one could hear me. No one would care if I died and all for the sake of a stupid video.
Again, I was completely mistaken.
“Gaz!” That wasn’t a voice from within my head. It was someone; a real person, if you could call him that.
There he was, in all his damnable glory, Zim, the one who had set my house on fire. He was standing at the top of the stairs, his face covered with a breathing device that was hooked up to his pak.
I took one look at him and dove past his arms, running to my room. Past the flames, past the memories, and past the one I loved the most, without ever knowing it.


I heard him fumble a little before heading after me. I had just reached my room and was about to touch the door knob when I finally knew, I knew, what I’d find inside. I placed my hand on the door knob and felt pain shoot up into my arm as I was burned. I twisted it open and jumped back.
The fire was all around my room, yet my bed seemed untouched. I was just about to jump inside when he caught me by the waist.
“What the irk do you think you’re doing?!” He hissed in my ear, pulling me away from the room.
“I have to get it!” I screamed. “I can’t leave without it! I can’t!” I thrashed around in his grip, clawing at his fingers.


He grabbed me again, only this time, it was by the shoulders.
“What?! What do you have to get, tell me, for irk’s sake? What could be so important that you would risk your wretched human life for?!” He demanded, shaking me.
“My mother!” I sobbed. I sobbed. That was another mistake. I let him see the me that no one should ever see. I let him see the other me. I let him see the weak me.
Zim’s eyes widened. His head snapped around, and he scanned the room again.
“Mother…?” He asked. “There is no mother inside.” He gave me a questionable look.
It’s funny how a whole house can be coming down around you, yet you feel as if nothing is happening because you’re so caught up in one moment. Your adrenaline is pumping. Your chest aches from lack of oxygen…, yet all you can focus on is getting the thing you love the most…, even though you’re seeing it right in front of you.

I had a coughed fit right in his face, the smoke burning my lungs and eyes. Zim tore off his mask and pressed it to my face.
“Idiot.” He muttered, his eyes soft yet angry.
I glanced back into my room and saw that the fire was drawing closer and closer to my bed. I heard the sirens of fire trucks outside. Zim’s eyes followed my own.
“I’ll get whatever you need,” He said, “if you just go to where it’s safe! You’re human life is more important then you think!” His eyes glazed over and hardened. I realize now that he was protecting them from the smoke. He was an alien, after all. I shouldn’t have forgotten that.


I gazed into his eyes, and he gazed into mine. I knew, from that moment, that he wasn’t going to be here after all of it. I knew he would disappear, like everything else I had learned to love.
It was a metal box underneath my bed. Inside it was the video. The only thing I had left. Something I thought would never leave.
Zim took off the mask and shoved me towards the stairs. “Leave. I’ll get it. I promise. Just…, leave!” He pointed to the stairs, his eyes pleading.
Leaving that stupid alien was the worst thing I could have done…, but I did.


I ran downstairs and into a fire fighter. He had kind eyes.
“Are you ok?!” He asked, grabbing me by the arm and rushing me outside to the ambulance. He screamed for medics, and I was taken away.
Zim had set up the fire so that no one would find a trace of evidence. I never saw him after that day.
It was all over the news, you know. ‘Professor Membrane’s house goes up in flames!’ That’s what they all said.
I met up with Dib at the hospital. He was sad and angry…, as well as confused. He gripped my hand in his and pleaded for forgiveness. When I didn’t say anything, he sat by me and cried.
I stared at him for a moment, my eyes open and soft.


“It’s ok,” I said finally. He looked up, his nose running and eyes all red. I stroked his hair a little, an effort to make him feel better. “It’s ok.” My voice was soft as I repeated what I had said before.
Dib’s eyes grew large. He gazed at me and put his head on the railing of my hospital bed. He started to cry again.
“W-what?” I demanded, getting irritated. “What’s wrong?!”
He lifted his head up a smile plastered on his face. “Y-you l-look just like M-mom.” He stuttered. I wanted to get angry at this remark, but I was too tired to make the effort.
We sat there together for a few moments, silent and thoughtful.
“Do you think we’ll ever see him again?” I said suddenly, quietly.
Dib thought about this, his eyes downcast. “No..,” He said finally. “Isn’t that a good thing?”
“Dib…,” I started, anger filling my voice. “He saved our lives. He saved your ass. Don’t you think he’s a good guy now? What more do you f*** need?!”
“Gaz…, I know what your saying is true, but I can’t like someone after hating them for so long.”
I sighed. “It doesn’t matter anyway. I don’t care.”


I’m such a liar.
-----
I’m thinking about a sequel, but only if you guys want one. I love you, readers! Thank-you for reading.
Btw, the only way you all will find out what’s on the video is by me writing a sequel. Sorry!